Fuck my life.

Motherfucker.

Took my pregnancy test, it’s negative.  Words can’t even describe how devastated I am.  Of course I had thought I was prepared for a negative result but clearly I didn’t understand how it would truly make me feel.  It flashed up “Not Pregnant” so I chucked it in the bin and told my partner. Then I thought I would go asleep and just move on but nope, like a mighty crushing blow to my chest I had to get up, I didn’t want my partner to see how much of an emotional mess I was. 
I have just spoken to my mum, well I say spoken too all I did was cryndown the phone.  This is really shit and I’m not sure how I will go through this again. 
What if I never get pregnant…rhe thought is unbearable.

The 2 week wait has nearly ended

I haven’t had anymore spotting I’m not sure if this is good or bad but I only have 4 more days until I find out if my little blastocyst has latched on.  It’s exciting, terrifying and emotionally draining but I have been able to think more positively the last two days.  My boobs are still really tender byt my cramps have settled down.  I just have the side effects of the progesterone suppositories/pessaries. 
We recieved a letter today stating that  3 of the remaining 5 embryos were successfully frozen too so that’s good news. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me, I’m hoping this cycle has worked.

Post Transfer and Spotting..

I’m on day 5 post having my embryo transfer, it was all going so well until last night, I had spotting and now I feel that my period is just around the corner.  I feel like my whole world has collapsed and I can’t stop crying.

I have been so positive up til now and tried my best to hold it together but I have honestly never felt this low in my life.  Everything I have put my body through during this last month may have been for nothing and it’s conflicting because the signs of a period are similar to early signs of pregnancy.  I’ve had really tender boobs,  body aches and heart burn. 

The threat of having a period is the hardest part of this wait, I can’t take my pregnancy test until Saturday but I feel like it’s pointless. 

Has anyone else had this overwhelming feeing of loss?